


Now Your Mess Is Mine

by Luspiel



Series: Harry Potter and Jazz [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But it's fine because the Marauders accept him as is, Canon Compliant, Gen, Good Peter Pettigrew, How Do I Tag, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Peter was a Marauder, Sad Sirius Black, Suicidal Thoughts, The Prank, This was going to be happier, Why do I keep doing this to myself?, sirius black is a mess, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25191331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luspiel/pseuds/Luspiel
Summary: A hand is outstretched in waiting. The palm is soft, but the grip is strong. It won’t let go, you can trust it.ORThree times Sirius apologized.
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: Harry Potter and Jazz [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591132
Kudos: 15





	Now Your Mess Is Mine

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this is from the song of the same name by Vance Joy. I claim no ownership of it or Harry Potter btw (just in case you weren't aware). It's a good song, listen to it, wash your hands, enjoy life.

Sirius stared out at the Ravenclaws running drills on the quidditch pitch not quite oblivious to Peter next him. None of the Ravenclaws had quite enough courage to ask him to leave. Their plays weren’t worth their lives. Yes, Sirius Black was staring out onto the pitch with a face of casual dissonance. He was simultaneously creating worlds to get lost in and crumbling castles of distraction in order to pinpoint that very feeling when he felt death crawl inside his chest. It was visible in his expression that he wanted to think, but was too scared to do more than form half sentences in his mind. He was too scared because if he thought it then he might believe it and if that then he might say it and if that then it might be true. 

“Sirius, I just wanted you to know that James isn’t the only one out there you can talk to. I’m here and Moony’s here. So, if anything ever happens at home….” Peter trails off. Nothing was going to get solved if he didn’t just suck it up and bite the bullet. “I have no idea what’s going on in your mind,” he confesses, “I know your uncle died and I know your cousin works for You-Know-Who and I know you won’t tell me where you were for the first week of school. All I—your friends—know is that you hate it there, and now you’ve come back to us broken. We—I don’t know what to do….but I promise that if you decide to wake me up at the buttcrack of dawn to talk about your feelings that I will listen quietly and only occasionally glare.”

His smile was loose like a worn shirt easily slipped on and off, “Thanks, Pete.”

Sirius’s voice was soft in a way Peter rarely hears it. “Sirius, is it fine if I stay here with you? James and Remus are arguing over something stupid like magical theory vs. magical feeling and if that’s not the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!“

“Hey Pete, for the summer, do you think James would let me—“

“And Christmas and Easter too.”

“Pete, I don’t know what to do,” Sirius sighed. “You always know what to do when it matters. It—it just seems like everything is falling to pieces around me, and I can’t salvage any of it,” Sirius’s head angled slightly toward the blonde boy, “Why can’t I save anything?”

“Maybe you’re not meant to. Maybe this isn’t a battle you were ever supposed to fight, and the only thing you can do is perform a tactical retreat.”

“So much for Gryffindor bravery,” the grey eyed boy chuckled.

“You have to know when to stay and when to flee in order to live to fight another day.”

“And what if I don’t want to?”

“Don’t want to fight?”

“Sure, what if I don’t want to….fight.”

“Sirius, you’re scaring me.”

The grey eyed boy looked back at his friend who’s blue eyes were watering. It was an abnormal sight to see a fifteen year old boy almost cry in public, so Sirius guessed he had said something truly frightening. He slung an arm over the other’s shoulder carelessly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever you meant, Sirius, it’s okay. We’ll do it together. You, me, James, and Remus, we’ll do it together because it’s all of our fight.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The glow of the moon stretches out in four cardinal directions reaching four boys at odd angles. It shines on a werewolf with a vindictive glow, illuminating the empty beds beside him. It falls on the face of a blond boy who dare sleeps under its reign. It blinds the pale eyes of a boy who is reminded of his own treachery. It glints on the glasses of a boy who just doesn’t understand. Doesn’t understand how you can care about someone and still betray them. He doesn’t understand betrayal because it had never occurred to him that people can hurt people they love. That when thinking of love one might also think of pain.

It’s night and there is a moon but no stars. A stag and dog meet under a tree in a forest of darkness, and then there are two. They don’t waste time on greetings and the bags under the ravenette’s eyes reveal that such pleasantries would have been impossible anyway. The bespectacled boy says nothing while they sit. There is nothing more to be said from him. He is here to understand. He leans the other boy’s head onto his own shoulder because he is aware that the other would never ask for anything beyond what he has been given. The two are warm in their embrace and neither would ruin the moment with words if it was possible, but it is not possible. 

“I’m sorry for the mess I’ve caused.”

“Did you know a rule between brothers is that they share everything?”

“And just how would you know that?”

James smiled at the sky, “You’ve made a mess of things before, Sirius, but it’s always been okay because your mess is mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

He still doesn’t understand why the other has to be sorry, doesn’t understand why Sirius did what he did, but he doesn’t mind not understanding.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

It’s night and there are neither stars nor moon. 

There was much drinking, singing, dancing, and snogging to be had in the Gryffindor common room after they snatched the Quidditch Cup from the jaws of death. It was a certain boy’s favorite kind of atmosphere because he could either be the centre of attention or be the centre of attention’s best friend. Tonight he is neither. Tonight he is just Sirius sitting by himself on a windowsill wondering where the time has gone. 

“I hope you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

He smiled at the cardigan wearing brunette, “Depends on whether you think I’m thinking about what you might think I’m thinking about.”

A long sigh, a smile, and a friendship. That’s all it was plain and simple. “Scoot over before I push you out the window.” 

Sirius moved as he was asked but not before he replaced his flat, half-full beer with Remus’s unopened one. “I may not have thought this through,” he said looking at the aluminium bottle cap.

Remus grabbed the bottle, set it between his teeth, and popped the cap off, and before Sirius could even reach his hand out, the amber eyed werewolf had already guzzled down the entire bottle. “I’m sorry, did you want some?” he said taking a relaxed sip from a flat, half-full beer. 

Sirius was only gobsmacked for a second and a half, “I choose the high road as I am your senior and have to set a good example for the kiddos.” He quickly contradicted this statement by ruffling Remus’s hair in the vain attempt to make it look unkempt. For all his efforts, the hair remained perfect.

“You’re okay here in the corner by yourself?”

“I’m thinking—like you said. It’s a one person job.”

“Well, what are you thinking about?”

Sirius shifted a glance toward the clouded and unremarkable sky, “I was thinking about after.”

“After….?”

“After Hogwarts, after James proposes, after we’re adults in the adult world full of battles of all sizes but most notably wars. I mean—I know what I want to do. I want be a Hit Wizard, I want to be a best man, I want to hold onto my friendships. It just sounds like everything is in theory rather than actual life. I just can’t be settled with what feels like its a million miles away….I’m sorry. I’m not making any sense, and I made you worry over nothing. It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t that important.”

“I don’t mind. You make sense to me, but maybe that just makes us both crazy.”

Sirius laughs throatily, “I just keep on thinking about what might happen to us. Whether we’ll all still be friends when life is pulling us in different directions.” 

“I think friendships that are changed aren’t necessarily broken,” Remus downs the rest of Sirius’s beer, “Maybe before everything changes forever, though, we should go on a trip.”

“Like a bachelor party?” Sirius scrutinizes. 

“Not quite, it doesn’t have to be extravagant just suitably messy. A trip where we’ll be together for at least one day and one night. A trip to be settled.”

Sirius smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> My procrastination really knows no bounds. Thanks for reading.


End file.
